I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
