Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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