i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
