Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Randomize
