I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
