The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
