I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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