She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
