sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
