Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
