It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I still have a little drunk in my system
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
