I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
