Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
