I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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