I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
