its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
