Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
