I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
