i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
