Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
