Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
