I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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