I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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