just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
