doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Your penis caused this!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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