I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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