So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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