both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
