I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
