Sry I called you an 8
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
