There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
