We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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