I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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