just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
