just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I would fuck him just for his dog
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
