i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
