There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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