i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
