Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
