sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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