hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
