She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
