you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
