I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
