why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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