You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
