I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
