I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
