your room smells of hookers.
And success
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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