We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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