doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
