dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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