woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
