If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
