i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
